***Throwback Thursday Review***
by Jason Minton
Deathstalker - 1983
There’s nothing like starting a movie with a little mongoloid raping, followed by some sword fighting, then sensual, consensual sex. There weren’t too many woman in this movie who weren’t raped or beaten. Which is extremely sad but also hilarious, as it continues to happen over and over. How many damsels in distress can one Deathstalker save? Then reward himself by having his way with them. Good times to be a Deathstalker. Add in a lot of random scenes of girls mud wrestling, a pig faced man eating a pigs face, a Mark Hamill look alike and of course midgets. If I had to describe Deathstalker in three words, I think Topless Sword Fighting says it all.
I really enjoy the dialogue in the film. The movies filled with deeper than needed lines like, “Hero’s and fools are the same thing” delivered with Shakespearian inspiration. But oh the voice overs. They’re so bad. Using voiceovers in scenes where no ones mouth was moving was a common theme.
I would have (and probably did) enjoy catching this flick on USA Up all Night back in the 80’s. It has everything a pre-teen boy could want. Boobs. On top of All of that, there’s even some action, sword fighting and a flying decapitated heads. Definitely ripped off from better things like, Conan, He-Man and the Beastmaster. This is no Beastmaster, but Beastmasters don’t come along every day. It may have actually been better than the awful He-Man movie though. Deathstalker was so 1980’s bad that I enjoyed it. It was a throwback. I can’t say it’s good. It’s a low budget skin flick. If you like bad 80’s movies you may find the humor in it that I did.
2 out of 5 Headless Critics
Deathstalker: mentioned on this episode of Without Your Head by Jeremy Gillespie & Steven Kostanski - creators of "The Void"