Review of "Saint Bernard” by The Headless Critic

Saint Bernard – 2019

Production by: Center Ring Entertainment



Since he was a kid Bernard (Jason Dugre) has known he wants to be an orchestra conductor. Having achieved his life’s obsession his infatuation turns to a more grotesque adventure. In a deteriorating mental state Bernard finds the roadkill of a Saint Bernard that leads him on a journey into the final hours he has left of sanity, exploring decay of the flesh and mind.

A labor of love and possibly hate for special effects master turned director Gabriel Bartalos, Saint Bernard is a film six years in the making. The practical effects are absolute roadkill, in a good way. Effects are practical, excellent and refreshing to see. Everything else is absolute insanity. With barely a coherent script we’re thrust into a world of hallucinations and an obsession with roadkill. Scenes seem shot and pieced together in a nearly incoherent journey into insanity. The use of color coding light which usually annoys me with its artistic expression over reality would work within this surreality.

Amongst these almost vignettes of madness, there’s so many memorable scenes including an excellent part from Warwick Davis as Othello, keeper of time who lives among the wood. The manager of Andy Kaufman and Tony Clifton, Bob Zmuda appears as Father Steele, chasing his parishioners for money. In my favorite unofficial “segment” a legless man severs Miss Roadkill’s (Katy Sullivan) legs then proceeds to punch her in the face and pour salt on her wounds, literally, for wasting his time and screwing with his livelihood. Did I fully understand why there were chickens parachuting down to people in their underwear? No! But did it entertain me like a segment from Kentucky Fried Movie? Yes!

It will be some horror fan’s favorite movie of the year. For others it may be the worst. The stop motion hair people alone should bring happiness to fans of Evil Dead. Saint Bernard has cult following written all over it. It may be the greatest insanity I’ve ever seen in cinema. No one can deny it’s aesthetically pleasing to the eye. If you need character development you won’t find it here. You will find character devolvement though. If you’re looking for a story based film, Saint Bernard offers instead an acid trip into madness. I’m not sure what I just watched but I am sure I like it.

Available Now on Amazon

3 out of 5 Headless Critics